Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Found your dick twin last night
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
