HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
