Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
