It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
