Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
