Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
