Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
