The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
