I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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