hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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