Me. At least after what I've been through.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
