I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
