I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
