I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
please don't ironically join a cult
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