so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
