Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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