Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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