I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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