If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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