Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
