Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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