she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
