i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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