GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
