can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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