Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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