return my video game
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
