Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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