too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
