if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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