I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize