Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
