He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
