I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
