Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
