I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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