no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize