a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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