i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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