Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
