You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i used baking grease as lip gloss
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
