I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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