Plan B is the new Plan A
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
