put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
