Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
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