i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
