Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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