Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
