Non-Jews are for practice
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
