OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
