I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
