every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize