cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
