he was CRYING into my vagina
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
