dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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