I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize