i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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