So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
