Where did you get a picture of my penis
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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