K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
