so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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