I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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