don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
