Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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