I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We're too hungover to prance.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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