I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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