I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
