I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
