All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
