Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
