An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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