i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
