I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
