it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't deserve a penis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
